Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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