My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
