Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
