I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
