what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
