Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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