I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
