The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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