Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
