You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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