We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
