im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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