What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
