Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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