Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
