oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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