I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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