your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
