break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
