Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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