The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
