Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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