Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
