I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
