i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
how drunk are you?
Several
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
