So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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