Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
