I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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