That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Are my feet made of real feet?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
