Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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