I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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