i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
