As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My dick has a subreddit
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
