She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
