i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
