i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
