i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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