matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
