There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
