The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
