forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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