I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
