Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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