do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
