If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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