We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
