Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
