I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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