Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
