So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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