rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
