i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
